In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i've created a new STD.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
