i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
