saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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