He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
