I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
