1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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