Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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