what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
