There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
is wine microwaveable?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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