i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
