Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
