dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
