I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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