I bet he comes in French.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
