Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
