I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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