dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
