you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
