Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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