It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
