My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Someone signed my nipple.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
