my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
