do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dicks are not precious.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
