Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
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