Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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