dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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