Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
organizing the empties. That sober.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
