her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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