I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
