I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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