That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
