You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
