just tell him i said nine months
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
