Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
