her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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