If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
