It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Randomize
