so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
