your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
