hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
