idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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