I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
