I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
