Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
