at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
