This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
