Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I know her cup size but not her name....
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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