Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
