i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
