I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
