Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
