Umm I'm too high to move.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Randomize
