so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
