last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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